The Clove Saga, Part 2 (Long!)

The next step in the plan was to figure out how to get Clove into Botswana. First, I considered taking a boat. Of course because Botswana is a land-locked nation, this would require some over-land travel, but the thought of taking a cruise ship or what-have-you across the Atlantic just seemed so grand it was hard to pass up the opportunity. So I did some investigation into transport to Cape Town. I kept imagining the wide open sea, the strength-giving ocean winds entering my cozy, gently rocking cabin where I would read books, muse upon matters and live a life of Riley for a week or two until the sheer cliffs of Table Mountain breached the horizon far a’port. How could such a trip be any better?….*sigh*

I’ll tell you how: If I first flew with Clove to Brasil, set up camp for a spell with my dear friends Ludmila and Ze in Sao Paulo, had cold beers with them while playing multiple rounds of hearts and listening to good local Brasilian music, and THEN hopped on the steamer heading from Sao Paulo across the waist of the Atlantic to Cape Town; I simply cannot imagine a trip sweeter than that. Oh except for one thing…crotchety Clove would be my bunk mate. None-the-less, I plowed on with such fanciful plans but when I put the plan into action and actually searched for ocean liners plying the depths of the South Atlantic, there were none. No passenger lines doing the old Sao Paulo- Cape Town circuit. So there fell my dreams in a whirlpool of untapped commercial potentials.

Back to the drawing board otherwise known as airline timetables. Ugh. On our first journey to southern Africa, Shanthi and I booked our tickets through the friendly Upul’s Travel service, based in CA, who specializes in travel to Sri Lanka, though that was not quite our final destination…though one of these days, inevitably, it shall be. They plunked us into the comfy seats on Emirates, who entertained us with some 200 moives, games and TV show episodes (including 5 or so of “The Office”) and some delicious Indian-style vegetarian meals as we floated across to Dubai and then down to Jo-burg. So, despite the inevitable luggage loss, we booked again on Emirates, salivating with thoughts of the comfort of the upcoming transit despite the fact that the trip route had us flying a bit past the continent of Africa, only to track back later.

However, in making such travel arrangements, I was shown to be an innocent, a novice in the world of pet transport…or so I was soon to find out…only to later to find that it really didn’t matter what I did, in the end, as the whole affair would eventually be marked down in the journal of my life under the heading “Fiascoes”.

First, there was the matter of gaining permission to bring one female, spayed cat into Botswana. But to get to Botswana, you must travel through South Africa. And therein lies the crux of the problem. You see, in order to bring a pet into South Africa, they must have all the appropriate papers, which includes a veterinary permit issued by the South African Department of Agriculture. In addition, the animal must also be listed on the ship’s manifold and thus can only enter the country through the cargo hold of the airplane. While that sounds simple enough, what it means is that Clove will have to be checked in as Cargo in Dubai. Oh and it turns out that to enter the U.A.E., the cat must also travel as cargo and have the proper permits.

I promptly contacted the South African Embassy in the United States and asked them what to do. I did the same with the Botswana embassy and the embassy to the U.A.E. S.A. and Botswana both informed me that I needed to contact their offices in Pretoria and Gaborone, respectively, and have them send the proper documentation to me in the States. They could not simply fax the forms because these forms needed to be officially stamped government documents. The U.A.E., failed to respond to any of my queries after three attempts by phone and one by email. Huh.

I then called Emirates airlines to make arrangements with them to transport Clove. They told me that they have a company in the States that subcontracts all this business and to get in touch with them. So I called AirAnimals to find out the scoop. Basically what they told me is this:

1) Clove has to go into Dubai and out of Dubai as cargo

2) Transferring Clove from the Delta shuttle (from Boston to JFK), where she’ll be in the cabin, to Emirates Cargo would involve me leaving the security area (a given anyway since the flights are in different terminals), finding transport over to the cargo terminals, checking the cat in, going back to the terminal with Emirates and going through security, check-in , etc. How long was my layover? Oh 3 hours? Well, at JFK this process can take the BETTER PART OF A DAY.

3) Just imagine how much time this would take on the ground in Dubai. Imagine you having to go through U.A.E. customs to get over to the cargo area, negotiate with those folks, go back through customs. Fughettabaddit, it will take you a day and a half. You have a 3 hour lay over in Dubai? Oh…um…it won’t be possible.

4) Fly a European carrier like Lufthansa or KLM. The transfer in Europe will be SO MUCH EASIER. Plus, you can bring the cat in the cabin for the first leg.

So, I had pictures in my mind of dealing with grounds-workers in Dubai who were more interested in their cigarette break than getting my cat switched on flights. And I compared that to the renowned efficiency of the Germans and my mind was made up. Lufthansa, here we come. So I switched our flights to Lufthansa. What I failed to take into account in this whole process was the looming juggernaut of American incompetence, a disease whose symptoms can be described as arrogance, indifference and false omnipotence.

Moving onward and upward on the necessary pet permits, please allow me to summarize:

1) It ended up costing me $142 to ship a single sheet of paper from Botswana to the United States, via DHL. You know that the poor Motswana working in the DHL office in Gaborone was not paid $142. Try $1. As if! Of course, DHL would not allow the fellow to pick up the permit until I gave them a name of someone in the office at the Ministry of Agriculture to pick it up from, despite the fact that, according to the actual Minister of Agriculture (who I spoke with over the phone at 2 am some morning on the east coast), DHL does this all the time and they know where the office is and where the “outbox” in the office is.

2) South Africa required a fee of some $100 Rand (about $16) which had to be wire transferred. The wire transfer cost $35, over twice the amount that I was transferring.

3) Forms for Germany could be printed off PDF files downloaded from their web site (yay for efficiency!).

4) Once I had received all the forms, I had to get an identifying microchip placed in Clove and renew her rabies vaccination. Cost of some $200 plus or minus.

5) The USDA, who needs to certify all the permit forms, at first balked at certifying more than one. Their argument is that once the cat leaves the US, she is no longer under their jurisdiction. Therefore, my 12-hour layover in Germany would mean that despite Clove’s birth and entire 9 years of life in the US, because she’s staying in Germany for 12 hours, she is now a German cat and the German verterinary authorities should be the ones to stamp their certified approval that the cat is in good health and suitable for entry into South Africa. Likewise with the South African authorities with the cat on its way to Botswana. I basically called them on the complete idiocy of this, sent them all three forms and a check to individually cover the costs of all three. The trick was that the South African permit had to be stamped NO MORE THAN 10 days before the date that the cat was to enter S.A. So…I had to FEDEX the forms to the USDA and have them FEDEX’d back to me as I was leaving for CA on my last day of work (August 15^th), returning on the 20^th and leaving for Gabs on the 23^rd. They did it without complaints (see, I knew they were bluffing), and it cost me $46 less than I had paid. So I now have to file to get a refund, thanks to their mis-quotation of the price.

So, permits were in hand, officially stamped and ready to go.

The next step was calling Lufthansa to get the pet travel on the flight set up and request a vegetarian meal. I was about to enter the downward spiral that led to this whole saga being firmly entered in the journal of my life, as I have mentioned earlier, under so unfortunate a heading, shared with few other tales that I can readily glimpse while thumbing through the ToC.